indifferent actually.

do they call this the classical conditioning?

i just hope life will scare me next time with other stuff apart from my health and near death experiences .

death of the body and soul are indeed classical and exhausted topic for me.

life give something new. will yah?

lovelife naman

di ba? bakit ka ba mag che cheat?!?!?!

flirting is cheating, fantasizing is not.
you can look you can’t attempt…

why are peopl so afraid to be not in a relationship when what they want is the pleasure and freedom of a single person?

i pity the “other” half who strives and gives all her/his effort for their relationship be in cloud nine.
ito naman si isa nasesense nang nagchecheat iyong isa ipinipilit pa.

i believe that every man longs for belongingness or attachment to someone.
who wouldn’t be? LOVE is GOOD and goods.
Love is good in itself, and love brings pleasure, change of character, foods, dresses, gifts, sibling, to infinity.

how come i stay here when i KNOW and i wont be that happy.

thoughst are running like wild fire. thinking about these things taht are affecting me right now. i feel a sudden and sharp pain in my stomach. i know that feeling. my mind knew what that meant. it means that my stomah is hysterically complaining. demanding me to feed him. the only difference right now is that, the pain is weakened. i am numb. right now i am imagining a coffee party. haha.

my two beeeeeest friends.

all along, i thought that when i make decisions in my life, i stand alone. i can decide on what to do and need no help. i often ask advice from friends but most of the time i seek for affirmation.i already know what to do and what i want to do. now, im in a limbo. i do not know what to do and what is best to do. i have lived my life within schemes. schemes, that i have intricately built. walls, dungeons, caves, clubs, are not just barriers for my being, but also a piece taht brings me an off sided pleasure.no it is not pleasure, it is security.

just like kenshin, my cold state is now shatterd, i am enveloped with warth and compassion. something that is overrated something that most of the time overly romanticised. i feel love from this people. i feel trust. i feel hurt. i feel care. i feel security. i them loving. i miss them right now, when i no negativity is in between us. when all of us have their own darkness lurking by our sides, but each of us give each light. it may be as faint as the tiny dot in the black abyss.

i miss it when they drag me into something with enthusiasm and i defeatedly agree on it, even if i don’t wnat to.
i like it when they do the same. haha.

the three of us have different personalities.

i bond with them in different ways, and trip in different ways.

someone asked me if who is closer to me and to whom, i’d say both at the same level.

it’s resurfacing
i can see pictures
i am dreaded by the longing.

thinking of things we can and we want to do

why am i staying here?

why?

i sense conflict or dislike within the circle and it does not feel good.

what do i want to do? as a career? realyy i do not know. i dont know what career or path will make me happy. or what career shal give the fulfillment that i want.

defying the norm is difficult. especially if the “necessity” is not met.

as what they say, imagination is cheap. i can think of so many ways, but the passion to act on it is very scarce.

what do i really want?