Old Piano in May

ayoko na October 19, 2011

hindi ako masaya.
hindi ako para dito.
hindi ito ang gusto ko
gusto ng maglaho
gusto ko ng maging matino
ia ma belittled
but i will fight
iwill fight for my dignity
i will think of teh things that value most for me.
i will solve problems
i will think for my end.
I will nnot falter. I will be effecient
i will be good and better.
I will scrutinize every thing.

:D March 20, 2011

fate really knows how to add spice to my life.
it uses what affects me the most but this time im becoming more numb and numb.

indifferent actually.

do they call this the classical conditioning?

i just hope life will scare me next time with other stuff apart from my health and near death experiences .

death of the body and soul are indeed classical and exhausted topic for me.

life give something new. will yah?

lovelife naman

cheating March 20, 2011

i do not understand why people “committed” in a relationship cheat. when i say cheat, it means that an another party engage in a third party or act.
it may be as simple as “testing the water” flirting to casual sex until it blooms to another committed relationship.

di ba? bakit ka ba mag che cheat?!?!?!

flirting is cheating, fantasizing is not.
you can look you can’t attempt…

why are peopl so afraid to be not in a relationship when what they want is the pleasure and freedom of a single person?

i pity the “other” half who strives and gives all her/his effort for their relationship be in cloud nine.
ito naman si isa nasesense nang nagchecheat iyong isa ipinipilit pa.

i believe that every man longs for belongingness or attachment to someone.
who wouldn’t be? LOVE is GOOD and goods.
Love is good in itself, and love brings pleasure, change of character, foods, dresses, gifts, sibling, to infinity.

work March 20, 2011

ears are plugged with two mechanic sound bearer. i am soothed with what they call rhythm and blues. no strength nor passion to function as what is directed. i am even as tired with myself thinking about my life.

how come i stay here when i KNOW and i wont be that happy.

D-r-u-g March 20, 2011

my mind is screaming. someting wrong is happening. i told myself never to do d, but i guess i did already. what is scary is i feel it kicking me. im liking it. i found a new d and it is you who is kicking me.

thoughst are running like wild fire. thinking about these things taht are affecting me right now. i feel a sudden and sharp pain in my stomach. i know that feeling. my mind knew what that meant. it means that my stomah is hysterically complaining. demanding me to feed him. the only difference right now is that, the pain is weakened. i am numb. right now i am imagining a coffee party. haha.

japo&diva March 20, 2011

my two beeeeeest friends.

all along, i thought that when i make decisions in my life, i stand alone. i can decide on what to do and need no help. i often ask advice from friends but most of the time i seek for affirmation.i already know what to do and what i want to do. now, im in a limbo. i do not know what to do and what is best to do. i have lived my life within schemes. schemes, that i have intricately built. walls, dungeons, caves, clubs, are not just barriers for my being, but also a piece taht brings me an off sided pleasure.no it is not pleasure, it is security.

just like kenshin, my cold state is now shatterd, i am enveloped with warth and compassion. something that is overrated something that most of the time overly romanticised. i feel love from this people. i feel trust. i feel hurt. i feel care. i feel security. i them loving. i miss them right now, when i no negativity is in between us. when all of us have their own darkness lurking by our sides, but each of us give each light. it may be as faint as the tiny dot in the black abyss.

i miss it when they drag me into something with enthusiasm and i defeatedly agree on it, even if i don’t wnat to.
i like it when they do the same. haha.

the three of us have different personalities.

i bond with them in different ways, and trip in different ways.

someone asked me if who is closer to me and to whom, i’d say both at the same level.

multo sa banga March 20, 2011

disturbed by the feelings i try to bury.
circumstances are pulling them to the surface
bothering my consciousness.

it’s resurfacing
i can see pictures
i am dreaded by the longing.

thinking of things we can and we want to do

emo March 20, 2011

i feel like quitting again.

why am i staying here?

why?

i sense conflict or dislike within the circle and it does not feel good.

what do i want to do? as a career? realyy i do not know. i dont know what career or path will make me happy. or what career shal give the fulfillment that i want.

defying the norm is difficult. especially if the “necessity” is not met.

as what they say, imagination is cheap. i can think of so many ways, but the passion to act on it is very scarce.

what do i really want?

passe March 20, 2011

i will find my own happiness.
i will stop from all the stupid things and keep waiting.
i will stop thinking that someday we will be together.
i will move on.
i will truly move on.
i truly love you but i have to move on.
you are the person that i can honestly and proudly say that i haved love.
but this time i have to move on.
my heart aches whenever i see you happy with her.
i want it to be me but that would be selfish.
this time i will make you free.
i will let you go.
i will move on.
i will stop
but i wont stop loving you.

<3 March 20, 2011

I fall for the people who are special in their own ways.
I smile at humanity’s goodness