Old Piano in May

guys time na para kumilos.

sa mga frens ko at kababayan sa probinsya.

iniisip ko lang na magtayo o mag take part tayo sa election by establishing a non partisan organization. magproroduce tayo ng materials (e.g. leaflets) on strengths and weaknesses ng mga kandidato.

we all know that they are all evil, but i guess what we can do for now is choose the lesser evil.  we can make reviews sa mga tatakbo bilang mayor, vice mayor, gov. vice gov., councilors, party list. president, vice pres, at mga senators.  anything that we can do to help in the upcoming elections.

i guess you all know that my family is affiliated with vice gov. and our town is ever loyal to him but i think we need to be skeptical and probing with our situation. i am not saying that vice gov. is evil or what but my point is that we need to look beyond the kababayan. we need to look at what they were able to do. etc.

i also have my own biases but i’d do my best to suspend them and i think you can also do that.

when life gets boring, it’s time make it fun.

but as what kuya mike asked me, why is it boring?

sagot ko:

1 routine :

ganito na lang palagi ang ginagawa ko.

gising.net.kain.net.tulog.

isang unfruitful at lazy routine. wala man lang growth na naeexperience.

wala man lang natutunang bago.

2. hampered growth

actually, di ko lam kung ano bang growth ang sinasabi ko dito pero feeling ko lang ang stagnant ng buhay ko.haha. panu wala akong nakakausap at nakakasalamuha na tao. wala din akong mabasang matinong libro kasi una kuripot ako para bumili ng isa at wala ako sa bahay na sandamukal sa dami ng aming encyclopedia and other books

kaya naman salamat sa mga frens ko for making my life not boring.

salamat sa pagsama sa akin sa panonood ng AVATAr na super ganda!

as in.

salamat sa first time drinks.

salamat sa question game

salamat sa pagbuhay ng buhay ko.

kahit panandalian lang:)

see you again

paano emotionally unstable na naman ako.

hindi na natapos.

hay.

nakahanap nga ng panandaliang solusyon

yung mas malalim naman ng problema pa rin ang naalala.

shiyet.

ayoko na ulit mabroken hearted/ madisappoint/ umaasa.

hay.

“when im down and troubled. and you need a helping hand”

“smile, though your heart is aching”

haha.

nakaraan, bat hindi ka makalimutan. hinaharap, bat hindi ka mahanap.
kasalukuyan, ikaw ang nakaraan at hinaharap.

is vulnerable…

is weak…

feels like dying….

back is aching…

is feeling numb…

is bothered…

stressed…

needs assurance…

i cant help it. i just want to say everything i want to say. it’s just i dont want to be a burden my friends so i i dont tell them everything i feel, and i know one two three friends read this.haha. facebook helps me to say things in my mind. but right now i do not know.

i hope ill stay wake up tomorrow.

i hope id still be alive.

i feel like im dying.

im too weak.

im so foolish.

honestly, im afraid to sleep. i might not be able to wake up tomorrow.

hindi na ba matatapos ang drama sa buhay ko?

hindi na ba matatapos ang paninikip ng dibdib?

ang paghatak ng aking kaluluwa sa mundo ng kalungkutan.

sa mundo ng kawalang kaseguraduhan.

hindi na ba ito matatapos?

ako ba ang may kasalanan?

ako ba ng kasagutan?

hindi ko alam pero ang alam ko ayoko na ng drama.

tama na. ayoko ko na.

gusto ko lang maging normal na tao…

Lord, sabi nila di ka magbibigay ng mga bagay na hindi namin kakayanin, pero sa lagay  na ito. hindi ko ata kaya.

please make my load a little lighter…

parang ang sarap na lang mawalang parang bula.

parang ang sarap mabuhay ulit.

nahihilo na ako.

papalit palit ang focus ko.

papalit palit ang kagustuhan ko.

bakit ba kasi ganito ako.

bakit hindi ko kayang mag fit kung ako man ang missing puzzle piece.

my greatest opponent is the better mamay.

the mamay who is good in dealing with people but does not intend to please everybody

the mamay who knows how to use her time wisely. sometimes she slacks off and reaches the limits of her katamaranmometer  but still manages her time for work, self, friends, chores, hobbies, etc.

the sexy mamay…haha lol

the mamay who knows how to handle her money well. hindi masyadong kuripot, marunong bumili ng damit di lang sa pagkain. haha.

the mamay who is accomplished. she fulfilled her goals already

the mamay with a love life – no comment.haha.

the not so emo mamay.

the mamay who can express her feelings without fear but still knows how to control and find the right words.

i think it is time for me give the old me a death it deserves.

i do not know how and what will happen, but i aim at a better me.

i need to lose some negativity in how i think, as what coelho said in one of his books, man always feeds himself/ herself with fear. i think i need to stop being emo to see things clearly;hoping to come up with the optimal choice.

i was inspired by a particular person, that i would name eventually but not now. well, some(including I) will find him to be absurd and crazy, but now, i admire him, and his perspective in life. i admire what he does, and what i think he is trying to do.

i learned from him “to make things simple.” i love complications. i often complicate things and over read, but now, im trying to control myself and tell myself to make things simple.

he never gets tired when it comes to business. everytime he says that he wants more, i resist the temptation of asking a potentially hurtful and ignorant “why?” why do you ask for more when you already have others ask for? why so restless?

then i realized, judging from the depth of his personality,perhaps  his attempts might not be just crazy ideas. his attempts were not to increase his wealth, but perhaps his goal was to learn. perhaps he wants to experience, understand, and grow from what we see as bizarre ventures.

it dawned to me, that the outcome is indeed what is important. differences just arise as we particularize the outcome that we desire.